Who is Really in Control by Alexis Rickert
April 21, 2020

I found a journal entry of mine from the beginning of the spring semester where I was praying through my expectations for the upcoming months, and I finally actually felt confident; in contrast to my past feelings of dread, as I anticipated the start of the semester. As a Junior at UD, I was anticipating one of the most intense semesters since starting college. I, along with most of my friends, was absolutely depending on this summer as a pivotal season for the progression of our future careers. I was excited that I had finally set plans to spend my summer doing field research counting birds for the National Park Service. 

Yet, just as our first midterms were approaching, just as we were settling into our normal hangout spots, just as friendships and communities were deepening, everything that we had planned seemed to slip so easily from our fingertips. The students were basically told that we had two days to leave. 

In two days, a million phone calls, emails, and goodbyes later, we were home… most of them were six month goodbyes, some were forever goodbyes, and some goodbyes weren’t even given a chance to be said. 

Fortunately, there’s a really great community of believers out there over the screen, just a few clicks away. God has placed amazing people in my life who will continue to push me to seek Him when all else seems lost. Through facetime discipleship, encouraging text messages, and zoom bible study meetings, I am gently reminded of who really is in control of this situation. 

God has a habit of tracking me down wherever I am, reminding me that He is a God that won’t leave me alone. 

Still, there have been plenty of moments over the past few weeks, in between the phone calls, when terrible fear of the future creeps in. With a complete loss of control over what comes next, I don’t know what the future holds for me anymore. 

Through this time God has been asking me to reevaluate where I really am finding my hope. In hindsight I can see clearly that I was fully dependent on myself for what my future will look like. What I have come to learn about my Savior over the past few years at college is that He is a God who provides in unimaginable ways, especially when I can’t see what’s in front of me. 

When I’m counting pennies to afford food on Main Street, He provides a meal. When every internship I’ve applied for turns me down, He provides a job. When I spend a year alone in my faith without Christian friends, He provides a community (Thanks Cru!). 

I know that when my soul feels like it’s crippling under the weight of uncertainty and loneliness, He will provide. 

God says not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. With that, my mantra of the past year has been from Matthew 6: how God shows us that He cares so deeply for everything that He created. If He watches over every little detail of the earth, from the spring flowers blooming outside, to the birds that I’d be studying in my undergrad research, to the fish that are now swimming freely in the Venice canals, isn’t He watching over us at home? 

-Alexis Rickert 

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